tacenda

29 February holds beautiful memories. I remember the one 4 years back when I was deeply mesmerised by Blue's concert. I remember the one 8 years back when I sneaked out of lecture to watch The Leap Years with Zhi on a lazy afternoon. Today was a simple day, but good enough. One colleague was kind enough to treat the whole lot of us to pizzas and snacks. I was skeptical at first but I felt bad for always doubting others' goodwill. And so I became grateful later. I got a book for a friend and mailed it to him. While writing a note to put into the parcel, it dawned upon me that I have not hand-written something for a while. I think I really need to quickly get back to what I used to love doing.

It was a relatively good Sunday :) Early this morning the housemate and I went to meet JY and we (or rather they) had a sumptuous breakfast at Selfish Gene cafe. I love that place. They serve very yummy scrambled eggs and I am so in love with the scenic spots in that area. For once, I felt good about myself for I could bring them around the place. We dropped by my favourite spot at Duxton, Littered With Books. I was particularly drawn by one book but I decided I really needed to complete the three I am still struggling to finish before getting my hands on yet another new one. I was so in awe at the ordinary-looking yet to me splendid infrastructure around the area that I kept stopping them to snap photographs. They often looked so happy in my pictures and that has always been one of the best rewards I get from photography. Somehow we got too carried away that we lost our way. We found ourselves at an old shop that the housemate had wanted to visit but was not open earlier. We went in o...

If anything, the biggest difference this time is that I am more truthful about what I feel. I do not know if it is past experiences that changed me, or simply because I have grown along the way. At the very least, I tried and I think I would not feel as terrible should things turn out awry, again. It actually feels good to let things off the chest, even if it means putting myself in bad light.

When you decided to make another option, I decided maybe it has become pointless for me to turn back or to try harder too. I bought The World According to Wolverine  and finished it today. It made me feel like watching The Origins: Wolverine  all over again and maybe I really should. I like to know that I can heal as fast as Logan can. It's Saturday, and I am hoping everything is going to be good. I believe it will be.

The same group of us caught a movie today. It was a typical romcom which I have always liked, but the storyline this time particularly related better to me. As we made our way out from the cinema, the alarm I had set earlier for an event I was very looking forward to went off thrice. I snoozed it twice before cancelling it for good, accepting that it has been postponed or perhaps even cancelled. Somehow I was surprisingly eager about it that I put it down on every of my calendar in office and at home. That said, I am really upset that it has to be struck off. But I know, I am possibly the person that led to this and I don't know what else to say. I often come to this point where I have no one to point fingers at other than myself. These days I have so much to say, really. Yet I don't know where to start, nor do I know if I should. For history might very well repeat itself and I am not ready to jeopardise all of what's left for me and of me. A comfort I got today was watchin...

I had a panic attack this morning. Thankful for nice colleagues who helped me feel a lot better by noon, or I will still be shivering at a corner. I was just talking about it with the housemate and J on two separate occasions. And it happened. The problem is so real. I guess there comes a day... I need to be firm about my decision. And it shall be soon.

Is it because I am not trying hard enough? These days I keep getting the feeling that I am losing a bit of everything, no matter how much I cherish. It makes me wonder if the best way is to just let go and accept things as they are. Deadpool was... not as fantastic as most people had described to me. Some jokes were good, but mostly vulgar and cliche. I appreciate the interesting connection between real and reel. It was probably the key to making the main character very much alive. And the fact that Ryan Reynolds plays both Green Lantern and Deadpool does not delight me. Oh and, Colossus in this one is terrible. Bring me back the one in X-Men. One last thing, the attempt to draw connection to the X-Men franchise was such a flop. How come 4 million bucks for the box office? I came across something in co-op today and was pretty taken aback: http://www.amazon.com/World-According-Wolverine-Insight-Legends/dp/1608873951. I figure to brighten my mood, I shall buy it this weekend if I see it ...

我忘了有什么开心的事。只记得这两天有好几回开心的时刻。 昨天莱英姐向我炫耀我买给她的包包。她很仔细地跟我研究了包包的功能和设计，不停地说她好喜欢。也不知道是我哄她还是她哄我，我们就像两个大婶快乐地讨论着一个包包的好。 那天她把红包装进她自己设计的信封里放在我的办公桌上，我看了真的很感动。所以知道她喜欢那个包包我更是欣慰。 于是尽管今天胃又发作，我还是觉得一切过得很顺利。我明天最想做的事，就是带老妈去吃一碗叻沙猪肠粉。 现在想想都饿了 :p

Thank you for having been so nice and always making me feel better about myself :) I don't know how else to put it but I guess I don't want to keep saying sorry so... Thank you :)

I think, deep down I am more than certain that LL laoshi knew I feigned illness that day to avoid attending the book launch and seeing some people. He always knows about it. But he always keeps quiet, even though once in a while he tries to tell me in an indirect way that I must learn to let go. He even hinted to me that other people would be attending the event to prepare me mentally. But eventually I was unable to come to terms with myself so I didn't turn up after all. He just knew. I always thought he would probably be a little mad at me for being so unprofessional. But yesterday when he passed by the couplets booth, the first thing he asked me was whether I would like to join his family for steamboat tonight. I was really, really touched by his generosity. I gladly obliged. Of course I had to. I could tell that he probably thinks I have changed, or have revealed that overly-emotional side of me, but he has never given up on me. And this, is why I always respect him. After dinn...

I went for a swim and really, really feel a lot better now. It was a very much needed break for me. And maybe I am too used to being left to find out the truth this way that it doesn't make me so upset anymore. Just that it affirmed my belief that things will always end up the same way, anyway. Ha.