tacenda

So last week I finally attended Jacky Cheung's concert. I don't think I can put into words how good he was. Every minute of the show was very much an enjoyment. The visual effects, the stage design, his performance, his singing, everything was just too good. I really liked how he put a lot of thought into the whole concert and that he delivered it very sincerely. I cannot imagine him coming back to do the same in five years' time. I can only say I am very glad I chose to go again this time even though I have attended his concert once in 2012. His classic ballads after encore brought back lots of memories for me. There were no specific episodes that came to mind, just fragments of schooling days when I would listen to his songs. Gosh, it's been a good two decades. Thank you so much, Jacky Cheung.  Yesterday was one of those better days in the last many weeks, or so I think. Class was pretty interesting, but I must say I am beginning to feel the pressure. I went back home...

Day 6 of break.  I actually had to look up my calendar to count how many days it has been. I am not very used to taking a long break ever since I started work. All the times I took leave from work, I would go overseas and that did not render me much time to be free. These days I have been roaming around, in the house, hoping to get some inspiration for my translation assignment. I do a bit of work out when I am free, but it seems most of the time I am in bed. I had nightmares about work again last night, despite not having touched any work-related stuff for days. Perhaps those thoughts are still lingering somewhere in my head.  Chew wanted to meet to celebrate my birthday which was long overdue. While waiting for her to come from work, I sat on one of the benches along Singapore River. The weather was a lot warmer than I would have loved. My mind was a blank. On hindsight, I thought that might be a good thing, for I do not remember the last time my mind ever went blank.  ...

累得不想有表情 忙得厌烦了呼吸 难得和这城市中断联系 在一个人的途上 途人不会怪我不回信息 路灯不会问我 有问题怎么处理 让我在我的人生里消失 把来历都忘记 什么关系 都没关系 只有空气 不用争气 暂时跟这个世界保持安静的距离 热闹容易 难得孤寂 我才舍不得问自己 从哪里来 又要往哪里去 累得不想有表情 忙得厌烦了呼吸 难得和这城市中断联系 终于不用有动机 喘口气不用那么有出息 难得在人际的夹缝里找到空隙 让我慢条斯理无所事事 把时间都忘记 总是有太多事需要顾忌 总会有太多人需要惦记 总是要活得太小心翼翼 什么关系 都没关系 只有空气 不用争气 容许我和这亲爱的世界若即若离 热闹容易 难得孤寂 只有我不追问自己 从哪里来又要往哪里去 甚至懒得知道我在哪里

So... Today was my first day of my considerably long break. I cancelled my no-pay leave after some deliberation and took my own leave instead. The nightmare problem has not got a lot better these days. I still wake up in the middle of the night, and then feeling very lethargic the next day. If anything, I think I have lost count of the times this happens. As far as I could remember, it has been about one month since the problem started. I do not know if my health has been compromised, but I do think the giddiness problem does not get any better. This feels like the state I was in three years back. This time, however, I am determined to be positive about it and not let things get worse.  Yesterday, being the "last" day of work, was pretty happening. Since it was only a two-week break, not many people bothered. And so I was exceptionally thankful for the people who actually remembered and asked me to rest well. They did not have to, so that was nice. In the afternoon, I was tol...

I stepped onto the travelator, refusing to move another inch at my comfortable spot. In my mind there was nothing. If anything, I was merely thinking about the topic relative velocity in Additional Mathematics. Mrs. Gan used to illustrate relative velocity using the principles of a travelator. Many people passed me by. So many of them. I was slightly taken aback by how absolutely no one was like me, just standing still and  allowing the belt bring me to the other end where I would take the green line. I mean, is that not what a travelator is for? If you would want to walk so quickly to the other end, you could walk on normal grounds. Commuters were just rushing to the other end, some of them bumping into me, probably wondering why anyone would stay on the travelator and not move. They seemed so sure where they were going. Why? Why were they so sure but I am not?  Tuesday class ended fifteen minutes early because the lecturer decided that we would love to go home and prepare fo...

I spent the last few days in Taiwan, climbing. I think I haven't climbed that many mountains in a shot in this lifetime. It was however very therapeutic albeit physically draining. I had enjoyed every bit of being in nature and could never have felt more inspired by the mountains and waters. Being there just made me feel like I was home and away from work for ages. Now I totally understand why Mic has to return to Korea every time she is free! The officer at Taoyuan Airport immigration smiled and wished me happy birthday after she had stamped on my passport, whose pages have already been filled with the same stamps of the same country. It was nice of her, really. That smile was one of the friendliest I had seen in Taiwan. On the flight back, turbulence was so bad that I really thought I was going to die on my birthday. While I didn't, I felt very nauseous even after clearing immigration. The cab ride back home made things worse with the driver driving very recklessly on the roa...

Sometimes I do wonder if I have hit some kind of a bottleneck in my life. It seems to me these days, that writing has become so difficult for me, be it in English or Chinese. Many a time, I actually penned down some thoughts, sometimes in English, some in Chinese, but eventually I would press and hold the backspace key and click on that cross on the top right corner of the page. That feeling does suck. Because I do have a lot of thoughts in my head, all the time. And words used to flow so naturally. Now? Very much constipated.  The past one month has not been particularly smooth. I think I tried, nonetheless. I do not even know if I am jaded, tired or simply resigned. I recall being rather positive about the world, no matter how bad things get, or no matter how negative people said I was. I always believed it helped to be positive and hopeful because it would influence the people around. But now, I dare not say I still think like that. In the last two months, I had to take leave at...