moving on.

Sometimes I do wonder if I have hit some kind of a bottleneck in my life. It seems to me these days, that writing has become so difficult for me, be it in English or Chinese. Many a time, I actually penned down some thoughts, sometimes in English, some in Chinese, but eventually I would press and hold the backspace key and click on that cross on the top right corner of the page. That feeling does suck. Because I do have a lot of thoughts in my head, all the time. And words used to flow so naturally.

Now? Very much constipated. 

The past one month has not been particularly smooth. I think I tried, nonetheless. I do not even know if I am jaded, tired or simply resigned. I recall being rather positive about the world, no matter how bad things get, or no matter how negative people said I was. I always believed it helped to be positive and hopeful because it would influence the people around. But now, I dare not say I still think like that. In the last two months, I had to take leave at the last minute to calm myself down at home because things at work were really driving me nuts. And I know, this is going to continue when work piles up. I do not know whether the problem actually lies with me. My gut feeling is, yes, I am always the root of my problem. Then again, this is me. I do not intend to change for the sake of blending myself into this environment. If anything, I just want to start with a clean slate, because I know for myself, I can no longer fit in.

Coffeeboy is still him, I guess. But we no longer talk almost daily like before. It is another reason for me to move on. 

Today is slightly filled with hope. I am thankful, really. I hope all goes well tomorrow and I can be another step closer to my dreams.

Wish me luck, please.