I am sorry, really.

These days, I repeatedly tried to recall the last time I could count a day a happy one. I have no recollection of such an occasion. Yes. I do know it is pointless to kill my brain cells like this, what matters most is not looking back but embracing what is coming. But what if what is coming is too horrifying to embrace?

Yesterday over dinner, Jan said he would always imagine the alternative and if it was a worse situation, then he would contend and doing so has sustained him till now. I thought it was quite an appropriate advice. It has been a while since I heard a constructive advice that actually makes me feel better.

Work issues have been making me very demoralised, not to say upset (okay maybe sometimes upset yes). To the point that I have been displaying bad attitude. The irony is that I am actually conscious about all these. I stop replying messages. I am rude to people, many times my mother. If anything, I think I have really been a very horrible person. And.. I think I am still at it.
Truly sorry to the people I have not been very nice to.

August is going to be crazy. The thought of it alone gives me sleepless nights. I suppose I really need to snap out of this and look forward to the end of August.

If I have to think of one thing that still makes me smile, it has to be boyboy. He really makes me a happy person when times are not so good.
One thing I know for sure, happy times are short-lived. Thus I am really cherishing every moment, and always reminding myself not to be greedy.

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