tacenda

When I declined the position of Class Management Head in Sec 2 and that of Class Chairperson in Sec 4, I knew I was not someone that greedy for power. I do not deny that many things I do I do it for recognition from the people around me. I do not deny that I need such recognition to obtain a sense of security. Yet at the end of the day, I still believe there is a difference between wanting to be recognised and wanting to have power in hand. I have often heard about how I could be a good leader because I am efficient. Deep down, I know these people who sing such praises of me do not observe me well enough to know what kind of a person I really am. I used to rely heavily on such compliments because they are nice looking walls that I conveniently build around myself to feel safe and good. But I know for myself that they crumble easily too. These days I have a better idea of my working style. I am but downright a minion. I cannot lead. Absolutely not. Because I am too insistent on my way o...

我超不喜欢这种感觉。 拼了命想把事情做到最好，不能得到认同，也不能得到谅解。 很无奈。 很不公平。 如果说现在我是花天酒地，还是不务正业，我没话说。 但我现在正当工作做得半死不活，然后再兼两份差，无非是为了得到更多收获。 我同样是身心疲惫，尽管我的贡献没那么多。 我不理解我错在哪里。 我很努力。 这两天特别努力，好想证明自己的实力。 想证明我的学历没一些人高，但我办事能力远胜一些人。 所以在这场无谓的战斗力，我筋疲力尽。 换来的却是如此伤人的话。 我好累。 我到底是为了什么。

I have mixed feelings. They are nothing too negative, therefore not corrosive. I am fine, I just think slightly more today. Slightly more than usual. Chris asked to meet. So we did today. He wanted to tell me about his plan to propose to Yunni. But he had done it before we met. So we kind of talked more about future plans and who he was going to invite to his wedding. It seemed like we were only talking about it over dinner some time ago and he was saying all these would not happen so soon. There, it is happening already. While I do not really tell him, I am glad he always thinks of me whenever he moves on to the next stage of his life. He always makes it a point to tell me. I do not know what I did to deserve this, but I am just glad. I am actually very tired. Mentally. Work piles up everyday and even so, I think that is fine because I like to be constructively occupied. I just really want to keep up with people whom I love and care for. I even turn down appointments to want to spend ...

There is every reason to write this week. So the long Golden Jubilee weekend rendered me lazy to drag myself to work on a Tuesday morning. The good thing being, it is yet another four-day week. I cannot be more thankful, for the week and the upcoming ones are going to be really hectic. I sat in for the Literary Translation class yesterday. It was so good. I had really missed being a student. And attending a translation class really triggered all the old times of attending Mr. Yeo's classes. All thanks to the teaching staff of the course. I figured it had to be a while since I met someone who would make translation this beautiful and lovable. I was really grateful for that, for he had made me enjoy the class so much. I had not felt this excited about learning since forever. And I believe it is someone like this who would bring in more students and make the learning of Chinese continue to be fun and enjoyable. This week has pretty much been lack of sleep and rushing about in office. ...

那天看到一个熟悉的轮廓走下楼梯，我好似有意识地放慢脚步。 也许只想招招手，说声 Hi。 但我们的步伐一向就不一致。 于是我快到门口了，你却还在很远的地方。 你抬头了，我也挥了挥手。 你笑了。 不到一分钟，收到一则简讯。 我当场有点诧异。 不记得最后一次在自己的手机屏幕上看到这个名字是什么时候。 我回复后，你又再回复。 但我知道自己不能继续了。 那个感觉，很熟悉，却又很遥远。 有时候我会想，当初我选择这样子的我们，是不是我错了。 但是多数时候我会想，也许是因为我选择了这样的我们，这份熟悉感才永远不会离开。 虽然，它也永远不能靠得太近。 静茹的歌里有一句 “也许遗憾和年轻总绑在一起”。 我想是这个意思吧。 我知道过去不能捡回来了。 我也没在难过什么。只是偶尔会想想，会眷恋。 然后我也只是想说， 我好想你。

It is one of those weekends that I do not touch work-related matters at all because there is some construction work going on at the workplace these days and everyone is to switch off the office computer, leaving me unable to remote from home. This, amazingly, just struck me that it is not a bad thing after all. For I am finally normal on a weekend, watching my recent favourite TVB drama, and picking up a book to read when I am bored. While indulging in all these simple pleasures, there has actually been a list of things piling up in my head. I decided I should pen them down so as to make them more concrete and less forgettable thus negligible. 1. I must meet Shimu soon. 2. I must meet chew chew soon. 3. I must meet Rahil soon. 4. I must visit Grassroot bookstore again. 5. I must visit Punggol waterworks. 6. I must visit Liling and her baby. 7. I must climb Bukit Timah Hill again. 8. I must go to Taiwan end of this year. 9. I must finish a novel by July. 10. I must attempt to cook curry...

My heart goes out to the families, teachers and friends of the deceased of the Sabah quake. And at this point of time, I can never understand the intentions of those who step in and pass comments like, "Schools shouldn't send young kids to such faraway place." As if the situation isn't bad enough. And like my friends would say, the teachers who managed to escape the catastrophe probably have to come back to face the music, and probably live in guilt for the rest of their lives. I can't help but feel injustice for them. Somehow people just like to play the finger-pointing game whenever something comes up. Must someone or anyone be held responsible for the root of the issue before the episode can be closed? If anything, I just wish there will be no more casualties, and those hurt will be allowed some time to heal.