work

When I declined the position of Class Management Head in Sec 2 and that of Class Chairperson in Sec 4, I knew I was not someone that greedy for power. I do not deny that many things I do I do it for recognition from the people around me. I do not deny that I need such recognition to obtain a sense of security. Yet at the end of the day, I still believe there is a difference between wanting to be recognised and wanting to have power in hand. I have often heard about how I could be a good leader because I am efficient. Deep down, I know these people who sing such praises of me do not observe me well enough to know what kind of a person I really am. I used to rely heavily on such compliments because they are nice looking walls that I conveniently build around myself to feel safe and good. But I know for myself that they crumble easily too. These days I have a better idea of my working style. I am but downright a minion. I cannot lead. Absolutely not. Because I am too insistent on my way of getting work done and I only trust myself to fulfil the task effectively. Bluntly put, perhaps I am hardly a good team player. And if you give me an option between slogging my guts out on the ground and being up there to delegate work for people to slog, I would pick the former. Anytime. Yes of course, I often lament about the never-ending pile of work to clear. But I know for myself I am relatively contented with the job. At least currently.

Yesterday I conducted a class and half the class was students much older and more senior than me. Yet the session ended with an overwhelming response and some students thanked me profusely for the help I rendered. I do not think I would get such satisfaction from a higher level, because the distant interaction does not allow that. I laughed bitterly to myself as I made my way back to my cubicle in the office. Some people would stoop to any level in an attempt to pull strings or build rapport with people who can contribute to their promotion. It is not to say that they do not succeed eventually. I just wonder if they are happy that way.

I have been feeling accomplished at work and which is why all the more I have been working doubly hard to achieve the targets I have set in a mental checklist. Right now my very important goal is really to be firm on certain issues and to keep unimportant persons out of my mind.

Wish me luck.