Way too long

 It is nearing the end of June already. How time flies. Last time this year, I had just completed the filming of a programme. This time, I am pretty much idle. Last week was wonderful, because I finally had some deep sleep albeit short each time. Insufficient rest never felt more real. I also actually managed to complete two books, one English one Chinese, within six days. I absolutely love being in the reading momentum. It's a getaway from the real world, I figure I really needed that. 

Things have been a mess earlier. I really, really could not focus. It was either the lack of focus causing my inability to sleep or the other way round. In either case, I suffered terribly. I swear at one point, I was going to break, and so I decided perhaps I really needed to raise the white flag even if that meant I did not have an alternative. Contrary to the belief of many, I did not think it was of utmost importance to secure a job before quitting. My sanity was already hanging by a thread. 

But one week worth of rest made me believe that maybe I really just needed time off. Things were slightly clearer, the mind has become a lot less cluttered.  Perhaps now I need to recalibrate.

Also, I am three months away from the third year. You know, no matter where I am, what I do, you never ever left my mind. Any single day. Every little detail in my life somehow just has an attachment with you. A book, a movie, a toy, a place, a line of poem even. I have almost successfully cut all common connections with you, so as not to hear about you. Yet, it does not work that way, apparently. My memory has never been better when it comes to you. Once in a while, you appear in my dreams, and in those dreams we talked. Occasionally, I wonder how you are doing. Occasionally is an understatement. 

Most of the time, I still wish for a miracle. But they say, you only wish for a miracle when chances are extremely slim. I suppose so. I still wonder if we would meet when I take the public transport, but I think I know those coincidences gave me enough opportunities to make things right again, and I just did not cherish the chances I had. 

Perhaps in everyone's life, there are bound to be regrets or voids that could never be filled. I have mine already, and it is a huge space there I created.

How are you, my favourite person? I miss you so very much.