nightmare

And so, the wedding took place yesterday.

I kept asking myself, "Why did this person feel so unfamiliar? Didn't I grow up with her?"
I questioned myself over and over again. 
I wondered about the pretense, the need for it. 
I asked myself, "Could it simply be a different presentation of oneself in front of a different audience?"
But I could not come to terms with myself on that. 
The change was too drastic, too pretentious. 

The mention of some past episodes triggered that dark corner at the back of my head. 
I went home to take a nap because I was supposed to be down with flu.
And I had nightmares during that short stint of forty winks I caught. 
Something jolted me awake. I could not remember what. 
But I could not forget that feeling - the feeling I felt during the period after he had passed on.

By dinnertime, I had no qualms. 
I think I did all I could or ought to do.

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