Of endings, and beginnings.
The event ended last Friday, on a good note I would say. I must say I am secretly quite proud of myself to have achieved something of this scale, despite the unhappy process to allow this to happen.
And so, I decided to go ahead with what I had told myself to do after the event. Besties were with me, and I really appreciated that even though I am no longer as needy as before. As soon as I had sent the text, I switched my phone to flight mode, somehow in the delusion that I was uncontactable. While I was in Royal Sporting House, the song of my life played -- The reason by Hoobastank. It was not like I had not heard this song for ages, I actually did a few times earlier in the year. Yet somehow the fact that it played in the shop at that point in time (when there were butterflies in my stomach) seemed to point out two things, either a reminder that I should jolly well move on and stop fantasizing, or to tell me that the past no longer mattered. Whichever the case, I guessed any realisation of any sort at that moment probably would not have helped, because, I had already done it and it was obviously irreversible.
Two hours felt like two hundred hours. When I read the reply after an impromptu decision to watch The Secret Life of Pets with my besties, I kind of regretted the decision (to watch movie) immediately. Actually I really just wanted to go home and sleep and heal my slightly battered heart.
I went for a haircut. This is something I always find myself doing when I have a lot of things going on in my head and do not know how to feel better about myself. And really, it helped.
Before meeting M for Jay's concert, I had a long tea break with SYX. It had been a long while since we both sat down to talk like that. And as always, we shared a lot, in fact to the point that I was on the verge of tears. Perhaps, the accumulation of everything this week was nearly tearing me apart. But phew, I am feeling perfectly today.
Jay's concert, in all honesty, did not make me very eager. However, I told myself I would do my best to enjoy it tremendously, for I had paid so much! Just before the concert began, a long text came. I really almost teared. It meant a lot to me because this was different from any other times before (actually just two times before). I do not know if the text was sent to make me feel better, it really did anyway.
The concert, on the other hand, was a slight disappointment, especially coming from someone who had attended the earlier one two years back. I really would have enjoyed it a lot more if he had sung a few more classics and reduced his interval times. In any case, I think most people seemed to have liked it a lot and on that note alone, Jay has once again succeeded.
The past three days felt like many things ended but at the same time, I feel the beginning of something new. I cannot spell it out but I like to think that hope is lingering somewhere near and I am going to embrace it.
Please let me have a good one week break.
And so, I decided to go ahead with what I had told myself to do after the event. Besties were with me, and I really appreciated that even though I am no longer as needy as before. As soon as I had sent the text, I switched my phone to flight mode, somehow in the delusion that I was uncontactable. While I was in Royal Sporting House, the song of my life played -- The reason by Hoobastank. It was not like I had not heard this song for ages, I actually did a few times earlier in the year. Yet somehow the fact that it played in the shop at that point in time (when there were butterflies in my stomach) seemed to point out two things, either a reminder that I should jolly well move on and stop fantasizing, or to tell me that the past no longer mattered. Whichever the case, I guessed any realisation of any sort at that moment probably would not have helped, because, I had already done it and it was obviously irreversible.
Two hours felt like two hundred hours. When I read the reply after an impromptu decision to watch The Secret Life of Pets with my besties, I kind of regretted the decision (to watch movie) immediately. Actually I really just wanted to go home and sleep and heal my slightly battered heart.
I went for a haircut. This is something I always find myself doing when I have a lot of things going on in my head and do not know how to feel better about myself. And really, it helped.
Before meeting M for Jay's concert, I had a long tea break with SYX. It had been a long while since we both sat down to talk like that. And as always, we shared a lot, in fact to the point that I was on the verge of tears. Perhaps, the accumulation of everything this week was nearly tearing me apart. But phew, I am feeling perfectly today.
Jay's concert, in all honesty, did not make me very eager. However, I told myself I would do my best to enjoy it tremendously, for I had paid so much! Just before the concert began, a long text came. I really almost teared. It meant a lot to me because this was different from any other times before (actually just two times before). I do not know if the text was sent to make me feel better, it really did anyway.
The concert, on the other hand, was a slight disappointment, especially coming from someone who had attended the earlier one two years back. I really would have enjoyed it a lot more if he had sung a few more classics and reduced his interval times. In any case, I think most people seemed to have liked it a lot and on that note alone, Jay has once again succeeded.
The past three days felt like many things ended but at the same time, I feel the beginning of something new. I cannot spell it out but I like to think that hope is lingering somewhere near and I am going to embrace it.
Please let me have a good one week break.
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