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end of week

He wasn't staying any longer. So I thought maybe yes, I ought to write him an email to say whatever had been on my mind the past few days. I said he wasn't very nice to work with, but matter-of-factly, those were merely hearsay, I never really had a chance to work with him. Duh, I mean, I am just a small fry, which of course, I do not mind. His story this morning moved me to tears. I'm not sure if I have become more prone to tears since last year or what. He was really nice in his email reply. And it felt good on my part that I made someone's day. I am unable to articulate the sense of loss in my life these days. Yes, I guess it's not that bad, it's just a severe lack of focus on a particular goal, which I have yet to figure out. To many, it cannot be a simpler issue. To me, it's a life crisis. I am not losing sleep or crying over it at all. No feelings of sadness, anger, misery, whatever. I just wonder if I am behaving far too nonchalant about it. Maybe I s...
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my mixed feelings

I have mixed feelings. They are nothing too negative, therefore not corrosive. I am fine, I just think slightly more today. Slightly more than usual. Chris asked to meet. So we did today. He wanted to tell me about his plan to propose to Yunni. But he had done it before we met. So we kind of talked more about future plans and who he was going to invite to his wedding. It seemed like we were only talking about it over dinner some time ago and he was saying all these would not happen so soon. There, it is happening already. While I do not really tell him, I am glad he always thinks of me whenever he moves on to the next stage of his life. He always makes it a point to tell me. I do not know what I did to deserve this, but I am just glad. I am actually very tired. Mentally. Work piles up everyday and even so, I think that is fine because I like to be constructively occupied. I just really want to keep up with people whom I love and care for. I even turn down appointments to want to spend ...
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carpe diem

I am jotting this down because I want to recollect  this moment years down the road. Today colleagues and I finally realised our Ubin hike after procrastinating it for the longest time. I have to admit, right at the beginning I was apprehensive, mainly because I didn't want to be reminded of the past that hasn't passed for too long. The scenes of the ritual, of boarding the boat, and of my mum's look when the ashes went down the seawater were still fresh in my head. At least up till this morning they still were. But as the engine started and the boat made its way to Ubin island, I no longer felt that kind of pain inside me. Maybe time really heals. And as I have always believed, the vastness and tranquility of the seawater always help to heal a wounded heart. The hike was a long one. Along the way we made fun of one another and enjoyed the sights that nature could offer. We had early dinner thereafter and made an impromptu decision to have cakes at Holland V. Dragging my we...
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