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The care centre texted me. I am much amazed by their efficiency, on the assumption that they really do provide quality service. And yeah, it's a Friday. No girlfriends, no Starbucks, no cute barista. And no soyed latte. I am firm about quitting my needy ways and healing with a cup of soyed latte. I turned down all appointments today. I need some rest. The past nights have been rough. There were dreams of work, rodents, friends. Clearly, the roots of weird dreams are often unrested thoughts. I could feel myself go to bed with those feelings and waking up with them too. If you ask me what those feelings are, sorry, I do not think I can verbalise them in words. If I could, perhaps I would have compartmentalised them. Then again, I have never been very at that thing.

Matter-of-factly, I am not good at anything.

I am not good at ignoring text messages, at feigning busy. Especially when they come from a friend as important as you. I thought I could do this without batting an eyelid. Apparently, I am downright lousy. At some point, I wished you could put yourself in my shoes and think about how I am feeling like an ostrich and need to move on without you. But on the other hand, I know this matters to you as much as it does to me. Last time when this happened I would turn to you for some wise words. Now that you are involved, who tells me what to do?

I will reiterate, though, that there is no sadness at this point in my life. It's just a huge void. One which you filled up and replaced with emptiness all over again. And I really know, you didn't want these to take place too. I just need to come to terms with it.