tacenda

And so, it all happened as I had imagined before. You sitting at the last row of the bus which I board. Except when it really played out in reality, I did not know how to react. That was the fifth time we coincided. The first being in the cinema when we had each gone to watch Deadpool with our respective friends. We went to watch Deadpool 2 together two years later. Second, Suntec City, after you finished watching a movie with your friend. I was with my two best friends then, and I shouted your name from afar. You said you had a bad day and did not hear me. Third, in the train cabin at one-north station. You were on your phone, playing Pokemon Go perhaps. I snapped my fingers in front of you. We hardly spoke. The fourth time, in the train cabin at Bugis station. You were staring into blank space. I snapped my fingers in front of you again, and asked why we always met in the train cabin.  We had a good chat, at least it was considerably good given we had stopped talking for so long ...

Maybe you're right, we're both not ready.

I lost my pouch today. In it were all my Marvel cards. All of them :(

I don't know if I could just un-hear what I heard last night. On a better note, maybe, I was able to recover quite quickly. The pain was there, just not so intense. It used to feel a lot like a twist, now it feels like a tiny jab.  I have been reading quite conscientiously. The book I got from my trip could really blow my mind away, and I like that.  So, maybe that is why I find myself slowly coming to terms with myself on various levels. In any case, it's a good thing. I know I am not going to recover the parts of myself I lost, and I don't intend to find them. Go with the flow, I was told. Perhaps I should do just that. 

Dear You, Maybe because it's your birthday today, so I think of you a little more than usual. I'm back today. I fulfilled the trip you didn't manage to make it for. And over the last few days, I kept thinking if we would have gone mad over everything had you been around. Are you okay now? I hope you're at least getting better. There is so much I want to find out but I dare not even ask, for fear that your peaceful life will be disrupted. One year ago today, you got your license. And I sent you a bouquet of baby breaths. Look what one year did to people. You fell sick. I went on a solo trip. We are all so different from a year ago. But no matter where I am, I hope you are well. Have a blessed birthday. Wgg.

Perhaps this trip was quite timely after all. It gave me some time off to think through things, because there is really so much I need to come to terms with. This year's Taipei is exceptionally cold somehow. As I strolled down the streets, I realised how much my thoughts have been fighting in my head. This period of peace suddenly feels so short.

Today, I think I did everything I could. I deleted everything. I will start on a fresh page.