tacenda

I have been mad busy that I hardly had anytime for anything. Made a trip to the doctor twice and health just does not seem to get a lot better. Times like this I am thankful for a relatively strong mind. I almost cannot imagine myself to be mentally or emotionally vulnerable at this point in time because there is simply too much on my plate. There is however a lot on my mind, things I am dying to do. I decided I shall list them down and after this Saturday when two items on my checklist are struck off, perhaps I can start a life. 1. Get a nice birthday gift for Rahil. 2. Make a photo album for my dear godson Alden. 3. Read a book! 4. Watch a movie. 5. Spend at least twice a week at the gym. (I have been slacking way too much) 6. Shopping!  I am not a greedy person. I do what I think I deserve :) Days have been rough because of the amount of work to do, but I have never given up, even when my gastric has been giving me the most problems of late.  Always thankful for a bunch of ...

不知道从什么时候开始，我已不太懂得如何与人交际。曾经以为自己擅长与人沟通，所以能够结识很多朋友。长大了才慢慢发现，还是喜欢独自一人在一个角落静静地做自己喜欢做的事。近来忙坏了。工作倒还好，学业居然让我忙得病倒了。说真的，有那么一刻我好想放弃，什么都不去做了。但最终还是咬紧牙关告诉自己要坚持下去。身边很多朋友说要见面，我要不没回复，要不不断延后。因为真的，我还累啊。即便是跟朋友出来吃个饭，也都是找回几个最熟络的朋友。也许就只有在这些朋友面前，不出声也能觉得很舒服。这使我发现，原来这些年来交的朋友，不过几个才是会一直留在身边的。 那天病假在家看电视，有一幕女主角说：“你会不会常常有这种感觉，突然觉得很迷惘，不知道自己到底适合做什么？” 我想这个感觉我应该很熟悉吧。大概不是每个人会这么觉得，但对我而言，这个感觉来来回回，并没有真正的离开过。 我也没有很难过。只是近来身体不好，容易乱想事情。真的好想放松一下，却又没有时间这么做。 长大了的生活，真不简单。

New department is not as good as I expected earlier, I think. In the first place, I should not be pinning hopes. Rather, I should not be so naive? Sometimes, I think my naivety has reached an unrivaled level that I find myself pathetic. The game of marginalisation, somewhat too familiar for me, has come back again. This time, however, it brings with it many lessons for me to learn. I told myself before, I would come back from my break and live in my cave. I think I have yet to practise it, largely because my character does not allow me to. So many people have spoken to me these days. I figure I really need to learn, the hard way if need be. Perhaps right from the beginning, I have never been someone who fits in easily. Let it go man. Let it go.

So last week I finally attended Jacky Cheung's concert. I don't think I can put into words how good he was. Every minute of the show was very much an enjoyment. The visual effects, the stage design, his performance, his singing, everything was just too good. I really liked how he put a lot of thought into the whole concert and that he delivered it very sincerely. I cannot imagine him coming back to do the same in five years' time. I can only say I am very glad I chose to go again this time even though I have attended his concert once in 2012. His classic ballads after encore brought back lots of memories for me. There were no specific episodes that came to mind, just fragments of schooling days when I would listen to his songs. Gosh, it's been a good two decades. Thank you so much, Jacky Cheung.  Yesterday was one of those better days in the last many weeks, or so I think. Class was pretty interesting, but I must say I am beginning to feel the pressure. I went back home...

Day 6 of break.  I actually had to look up my calendar to count how many days it has been. I am not very used to taking a long break ever since I started work. All the times I took leave from work, I would go overseas and that did not render me much time to be free. These days I have been roaming around, in the house, hoping to get some inspiration for my translation assignment. I do a bit of work out when I am free, but it seems most of the time I am in bed. I had nightmares about work again last night, despite not having touched any work-related stuff for days. Perhaps those thoughts are still lingering somewhere in my head.  Chew wanted to meet to celebrate my birthday which was long overdue. While waiting for her to come from work, I sat on one of the benches along Singapore River. The weather was a lot warmer than I would have loved. My mind was a blank. On hindsight, I thought that might be a good thing, for I do not remember the last time my mind ever went blank.  ...

累得不想有表情 忙得厌烦了呼吸 难得和这城市中断联系 在一个人的途上 途人不会怪我不回信息 路灯不会问我 有问题怎么处理 让我在我的人生里消失 把来历都忘记 什么关系 都没关系 只有空气 不用争气 暂时跟这个世界保持安静的距离 热闹容易 难得孤寂 我才舍不得问自己 从哪里来 又要往哪里去 累得不想有表情 忙得厌烦了呼吸 难得和这城市中断联系 终于不用有动机 喘口气不用那么有出息 难得在人际的夹缝里找到空隙 让我慢条斯理无所事事 把时间都忘记 总是有太多事需要顾忌 总会有太多人需要惦记 总是要活得太小心翼翼 什么关系 都没关系 只有空气 不用争气 容许我和这亲爱的世界若即若离 热闹容易 难得孤寂 只有我不追问自己 从哪里来又要往哪里去 甚至懒得知道我在哪里

So... Today was my first day of my considerably long break. I cancelled my no-pay leave after some deliberation and took my own leave instead. The nightmare problem has not got a lot better these days. I still wake up in the middle of the night, and then feeling very lethargic the next day. If anything, I think I have lost count of the times this happens. As far as I could remember, it has been about one month since the problem started. I do not know if my health has been compromised, but I do think the giddiness problem does not get any better. This feels like the state I was in three years back. This time, however, I am determined to be positive about it and not let things get worse.  Yesterday, being the "last" day of work, was pretty happening. Since it was only a two-week break, not many people bothered. And so I was exceptionally thankful for the people who actually remembered and asked me to rest well. They did not have to, so that was nice. In the afternoon, I was tol...