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没怎样

2016年10月22日。阴。 我想是太久没有认认真真地写东西了吧。打开电脑,想写些什么,脑子里却是一片空白。 也不知道是近来过得很平淡,还是对于周围的一切并不特别在乎,所以心如止水。 我很难判断这是不是一件好事,因为写作这件事需要灵感,需要一点感触。 而此刻的我好像对于很多事情都抱着一种很中立的态度,感情的起伏不大,自然没什么好评论,好抒发的。 工作方面,我这个月开始已经没那么忙了,所以可以放工回家就看看电视节目,看看书。 办公室政治让我有点心灰意冷,我想我大概不会呆很久。但我实在不知道。毕竟,要走什么路我仍然不是很清楚。暂时,我只想催眠自己,工作是让我赚钱得到物质享受的一种途径,其余的就不需要想太多。至少这样我会觉得好过一点。 家庭方面,一切入常。有空还是会在星期六的时候陪老妈吃吃饭,到处走走。我不敢说自己是个二十四孝女儿,但我尽量吧。而因为小妹这个学期不住校舍,所以常常在家,我也乐意为她准备午餐晚餐。偶尔早上也会去吃个早餐。这样的生活很简单,但就足够让我满足。 感情方面,仍是一张白纸。表白到现在已经快两个多月了吧?我并没有特别期望什么,因为经历了那么多,对于这种事我也算看淡了。有些事,我想还是不能强求的。尽管我很想相信“金诚所至,金石为开”,但不能从过去的阴影中走出来这件事,我想我比谁都还清楚,因此我没资格强迫对方放下过去,重新开始。我更明白,要放下过去的不愉快重新出发,除了自己,实在没有人能够帮忙。所以我再怎么想帮对方,我想也是能力有限吧。 生活方面,近来比较闲。也许因为年底工作没那么忙了,而且课也上得比较少了。说真的,虽然说这样的生活照理是比较写意,比较轻松的,但我反而觉得很不自在。这一整年下来,我每天放工都在赶。要不去上课,要不去健身,要不去游泳。连跟朋友们好好见面叙旧的时间都少,更别说回家看书看电视。现在不用上课了,偶尔去健个身,但没有节目的时候实在觉得怪怪的。 我还是喜欢雨天,还是喜欢煮饭烧菜。生活还是那么平淡,但也因此我还是那么满足。平日生活难免出现一些状况,让我生气、不安、难过,但往往也不会持续太久。 其实也就这样就好。

我恨我愛你

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1003 偶尔会在夜深人静的时候播放这首歌。 每次都是我最需要的时候。 :)

Sunday thoughts

I recall whenever I had negative thoughts or feelings, this space would be the first avenue I came to. As I browse through some of my very old entries, it dawned on me how depressed a person I had been. I mean, people who know me well would jolly well know how pessimistic I could get. These days, whenever I do not feel so good, most of the time I would brush the unhappy thoughts aside and visit the gym. I do not know if this is actually a sign of recovery (from depression of the past) or merely a matter of indifference.  Today is one of the those days I do not feel very happy, much as the past week has been a very simple yet satisfying one. It is a sudden wave of angst, which I think I will attribute to the nearing of my periods.  Sometimes I feel people take me for granted. Then again, I ask myself if I have taken people around me for granted, and then I feel I should not be complaining too much. Sometimes I think I am a very nice person to most of the people around me, then ...

:)

I actually really like how every time I want to share a picture on my phone, you are the first to appear on my screen :)

天空

午夜12点45分。 肚子好饿。 刚刚跟两个死党去唱了三个小时的歌。 今天只点静茹的歌,为的是明天的演唱会。 那些歌,多半是好几年前陪着我帮我疗伤的。 如今听起来唱起来竟然没什么感觉了。 虽然,偶尔有一点点想念。 今天,你传了三张天空的照片给我。 这对我来说已经是很大的进步。 因为尽管你还留在你那不开心的故事里,至少你学会了抬头看看天空。 曾经我也在自己的故事里沉沦,以为永远走不出来。 但我学会了仰望天空,让自己心情好一些。 我不知道你会不会心情好一些。 但我希望在同一片天空下的你,看着天空你会得到某种平静。 早上我发了一张天空的照片给你。 你拍了同一片天空再发给我。 我其实很开心。 因为你居然看得到我所看到的同一片天空。 这证明了我们的距离也不是那么遥远。 今天我还是一样不难过。 累还是会累。 但我也因为你传的天空照片而得到很多慰籍。 希望你的伤很快好。

recovering

While in the gym just now, I looked out of the window and saw an exceptionally big bird in the skies that were painted a beautiful orange-red. That could not have been a typical myna nor pigeon. Probably a hawk, I thought. And I also thought that was a rare sight, as rare as seeing a crestfallen me these days. Or, maybe not these days.  Maybe I needed a quiet night in my room like this to see for myself who I really am at this point in time. These days, I kept thinking back and wondered how I had managed to move on. If anything, I very much want to adopt the same method I did earlier. Then again, I do not suppose I did anything in particular. Maybe time was the key.  I read a friend's Facebook post yesterday on how being happy makes a person feel less sleepy. That is exactly the opposite of what I have been feeling of late. I am damn sleepy, every single day.  I actually feel slightly jaded. While on the way home from gym, I was scrolling some posts I shared years ago and...

:)

谢谢你, 总是这么懂得让我笑。 遇见你是在我长那么大最乐观的时候。 但我对你的坦白却没有将我们的距离拉得很远。 甚至, 比从前多了一份安稳。 你还是你。 我知道就算有什么不快乐, 很快都会过去的。 对于现在的平稳, 我是应该知足的。 就算, 我心里偶尔有一万个为什么。