tacenda

Today, I think I did everything I could. I deleted everything. I will start on a fresh page.

Goodbye, once again. Thank you for reading this space.

Stupid, I still miss you very much. Many a times, actually, I still hear your voice ringing in my head. I think I know I am merely holding on to the good old times, and all I wanted was a closure, maybe. But I also know we should not always fight for closures. Every single morning and night, I still think. Sometimes the feelings never get less intense. But I am trying. Trying to cope with losing you and a part of myself. I have been reading and asking for more work. But I jolly well know I am not performing up to my standards. Therefore I am going to keep trying, till I am back to where I am supposed to be.

Almost three months and I am still trying.

My dear, please grow up loving your mum and continue to love godma so much ok? Happy birthday!

Today I went for a walk. And everywhere I went, everything was about you. But I am still trying.

Dear You, It has been...two months? You said you didn't want to push me away, maybe I pushed you away instead. And now, no matter how hard I try, you just never come back. I know you are dealing with your own problems. I know you have been unwell. And I really, really don't want you to be facing your problems alone. I want to hear you share with me what you are stressed out about, like you always did. We have shared so much in the last one year, I don't know why we ended up this way. I wished you knew just how much I want to say I am sorry, if I had upsetted you. But I also wished you knew how confused I was earlier when things happened, that I had to do what I did. I'm sorry I hurt you.  But if space is what you need from me now, okay. I am going to let you go and give you what you want. I don't know how to lose you now without losing a part of myself. But I am going to try. Remember what we joked about me bringing you bad luck? I hope from now on, things will only...