retrospect
I woke up, to my surprise, at 10.18 a.m. this morning.
Been a long time since I slept past eight a.m. More than four months or so, I figure. I truly appreciated that, despite having woken up a few times before.
It has been a very mentally draining week at work, particularly for the soul. Dramas never stop following me, no matter how I try to avoid them. Once again, I am thankful for genuine people and lucky stars. I dare not say I am the luckiest, but lucky enough to have some kind souls who warn me of danger before things get way too out of hand for me to handle.
And so, I managed to evade doom yet again. Not sure what lies ahead, but I am trying. May I continue to count my blessings.
I thought I should not plan anything for the day, because I have not rested in such a long time I really just wanted to sleep or read all day long. As soon as I got my hands on my S7 Edge, WhatsApp showed me a message from a friend I had not seen in a while. He had asked me to meet for a catch up. Dilemma. Truth be told, I have neglected this friend for as long as I have started my new job (if I could even still call it new). Procrastination kills, and I thought I should let it stop. I decided today was the day to meet, since I had some time to spare. And we did.
Shortly after I had my brunch, I read a few pages of the new thriller novel I bought last night and left the house. My thoughts could not stop repeating: Do not back out, do not back out. I had been a bitch countless times, backing out on this friend of mine due to work exigencies but more often that not, merely laziness on my part.
I entered the rather crowded coffeehouse, thankful that he had picked the window seat. The window seat is always a favourite for those who enjoy people-watching. In this case, I could have the best of both worlds - watch people inside and outside of the coffeehouse.
The friend very happily treated me to a cake and tea. He had wanted to give me a birthday treat since ages ago. The treat was long overdue, because of my laziness, of course. I was just glad there was no expiry date to it.
The loveliest thing when you catch up with an old friend, is knowing you still have tons of your life's episodes to share, common topics to discuss, and discovering your friend is living a fulfilling life.
The sad thing, maybe, is that you have not been the happiest person at work, and you are bound to share some of your unhappiness that perhaps just makes you sadder as you narrate the episode.
While we chatted, my eyes occasionally scanned the people outside. That is not to say that I was rude. I was very attentive while talking or listening to him. It was just in my blood to observe my surroundings I guess. Then, I saw her.
She looked really happy with her partner. You cannot hide that glow in you when you are a happy person. I was contemplating to wave and get her attention, but I did not. Sometimes, I thought, witnessing others' happiness sufficed. You do not need to know more, why or how. But she looked in my direction and saw me. Then she gave me her widest smile, the dimples she was always known for illuminated her already glowing face. I smiled and waved.
Seconds later, she came in and tapped me on my shoulder. I thought she had gone off. She actually came in. We caught up with a few lines. I swear they were genuine. If anything, I actually missed her smile and that face really reminded me a lot of the days we were young and crazy. Within minutes, we baded goodbye as I resumed my conversation with my friend.
That year, we fell for the same guy. I guess it was a lot harder when you confided in a friend you had known over a decade about the guy you liked so much but they got together in the end. Those days, simple matters were made so complicated. We liked to think about who was right or wrong, who should or should not have said or done certain things. We grieved over losing both love and friendship, maybe a part of ourselves too. How long did we take to get over? Two years? Five years? We do not even remember the details. Alternate versions of the story still emerge once in a while. But I am not sure they still matter to any of us.
Sometimes, though, I actually still secretly hope that I would bump into him somewhere. I would smile and say "It's been a while." and maybe make up for the friendship we lost while I was pursuing what I thought was love.
Man, I cannot believe I am an adult now. Where did all the lost time go?
Been a long time since I slept past eight a.m. More than four months or so, I figure. I truly appreciated that, despite having woken up a few times before.
It has been a very mentally draining week at work, particularly for the soul. Dramas never stop following me, no matter how I try to avoid them. Once again, I am thankful for genuine people and lucky stars. I dare not say I am the luckiest, but lucky enough to have some kind souls who warn me of danger before things get way too out of hand for me to handle.
And so, I managed to evade doom yet again. Not sure what lies ahead, but I am trying. May I continue to count my blessings.
I thought I should not plan anything for the day, because I have not rested in such a long time I really just wanted to sleep or read all day long. As soon as I got my hands on my S7 Edge, WhatsApp showed me a message from a friend I had not seen in a while. He had asked me to meet for a catch up. Dilemma. Truth be told, I have neglected this friend for as long as I have started my new job (if I could even still call it new). Procrastination kills, and I thought I should let it stop. I decided today was the day to meet, since I had some time to spare. And we did.
Shortly after I had my brunch, I read a few pages of the new thriller novel I bought last night and left the house. My thoughts could not stop repeating: Do not back out, do not back out. I had been a bitch countless times, backing out on this friend of mine due to work exigencies but more often that not, merely laziness on my part.
I entered the rather crowded coffeehouse, thankful that he had picked the window seat. The window seat is always a favourite for those who enjoy people-watching. In this case, I could have the best of both worlds - watch people inside and outside of the coffeehouse.
The friend very happily treated me to a cake and tea. He had wanted to give me a birthday treat since ages ago. The treat was long overdue, because of my laziness, of course. I was just glad there was no expiry date to it.
The loveliest thing when you catch up with an old friend, is knowing you still have tons of your life's episodes to share, common topics to discuss, and discovering your friend is living a fulfilling life.
The sad thing, maybe, is that you have not been the happiest person at work, and you are bound to share some of your unhappiness that perhaps just makes you sadder as you narrate the episode.
While we chatted, my eyes occasionally scanned the people outside. That is not to say that I was rude. I was very attentive while talking or listening to him. It was just in my blood to observe my surroundings I guess. Then, I saw her.
She looked really happy with her partner. You cannot hide that glow in you when you are a happy person. I was contemplating to wave and get her attention, but I did not. Sometimes, I thought, witnessing others' happiness sufficed. You do not need to know more, why or how. But she looked in my direction and saw me. Then she gave me her widest smile, the dimples she was always known for illuminated her already glowing face. I smiled and waved.
Seconds later, she came in and tapped me on my shoulder. I thought she had gone off. She actually came in. We caught up with a few lines. I swear they were genuine. If anything, I actually missed her smile and that face really reminded me a lot of the days we were young and crazy. Within minutes, we baded goodbye as I resumed my conversation with my friend.
That year, we fell for the same guy. I guess it was a lot harder when you confided in a friend you had known over a decade about the guy you liked so much but they got together in the end. Those days, simple matters were made so complicated. We liked to think about who was right or wrong, who should or should not have said or done certain things. We grieved over losing both love and friendship, maybe a part of ourselves too. How long did we take to get over? Two years? Five years? We do not even remember the details. Alternate versions of the story still emerge once in a while. But I am not sure they still matter to any of us.
Sometimes, though, I actually still secretly hope that I would bump into him somewhere. I would smile and say "It's been a while." and maybe make up for the friendship we lost while I was pursuing what I thought was love.
Man, I cannot believe I am an adult now. Where did all the lost time go?
Melancholic and beautiful post :)
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