tacenda

也许对于一些事情终究还是会慢慢看开。 很多事情本来就不是自己能够控制的。 我问心无愧。 今天下雨了。 感觉心大多时候是平静的。 这样的我也就满足了。

Chris got married last Saturday. Somehow I couldn't sleep well the night before. I was really, really happy for him. At the same time, I was actually feeling slightly melancholic. It was like, over the past many years, he had shared so much with me, particular his love life. I always remember the time I was on my way home on a long bus ride, and I was crying because he broke up with HM when I thought they would last forever. And I remember the time on my 21st birthday celebration, he was looking so upset because of the girl he liked. And then the time he texted me during my lecture to tell me he had fallen for his best friend. Then last week they tied the knot. When they marched into the ballroom, I was on the verge of tears. Emotional yes, I think a part of me was wondering if I had lost a friend because he would stop sharing anything with me. But on second thought, I guess it no longer matters. He would share with me when he thinks of me. Even if he no longer thinks of this frien...

还是我最喜欢的叶导。

那天躺在床上，准备睡觉。虽然，也明知道自己会睡不着。 正要把手机关掉的时候，曦打来。 她在回家路上，听到消息所以打来问我好不好。 我说还好。 说完便哭了。她大概也听得出来。 其实当我说还好的时候，我是真的那么想的。 朋友的过世固然让我难过。 但我也知道，心中那压抑了许久的情绪，更多是因为工作。 我记得去年回母校探望老师的时候，老师问我好不好。 我很认真地想了想，说好，好，好。 刘老师说：“哇，你说了三次好，肯定很好。” 确实，那个时候的我，并不是最快乐的，但一切很平淡，不奢求其他的。 今年开始，却非常不快乐。 我自问一直都尽力把自己分内的工作做好。就算是遇到对我很不友善不公平的人，我都可以不理会。但我想我的度量也就这么宽，不能再撑。 于是不知道为什么，近来周围的人不论对我说什么，我实在都没有心听。只想一个人静静地沉淀。 今天在车上，眼眶突然又湿了。 为什么？我其实说不上来。 使我想起父亲去世的那年，我也是这样突然眼眶泛泪，多少个周末都是在星巴克里独自落泪。 刚刚在听广播的时候，听到这首歌。好久没听了。 有淡淡的悲伤，却不失让人有些安慰。 歌曲播完，换了电台。另外一个电台又播了同一首歌。 我想这可能是个暗示吧。 受傷了 誰都會哭泣 哭完了 別否定過去 快樂的 美好的 都還在這裡 等著你

亲爱的金洁： 这个时候的你，应该上了天堂了吧？ 刚才我为你祈祷，你收到我的祝福了吗？ 昨晚我一直睡不着。 觉得还没睡着，怎么就做了一个这样的噩梦？ 少了你的笑声和笑容，对很多人来说应该都是个噩梦吧？ 我知道今早一定很多人为你哭得泪流满面。 这是当然的。 你是好多人的开心果。 我的遗憾是认识你的时间那么短。 但幸好老天让我遇见了你。 你的勇敢和乐观，我会记着，也会学习。 谢谢你带给我们的欢乐。 妹妹。

Of course. Of course I am still in disbelief. Few months back we were still doing countdown together. And a few weeks back I was still telling her that she must recover soon so that we can hold a party. And then why? Why did she leave so suddenly? The image of her sitting on the hospital bed talking to us like nothing happened is still so lucid in my head. She told me she hated porridge and so I told her I would make her something tasty when she was discharged. But now, I cannot do anything. Like, anything. She certainly was not a very close friend. I have known her for barely 6 months. But she was definitely a good friend to have. Friend, thank you for adding me to the group, even though you left so soon.

不知道要怎么入睡。