tacenda

今天是第几天了呢？其实我已经不记得，也不在去计算。 只是，每天早上睡醒和晚上睡前想的都是同一件事，似乎无法释怀。 这不是第一次经理这样的事情，却一直没法从中学习更好地处理。 现在其实觉得自己最需要的是个短假期吧？也许真正远离这里，才能够忘记一些一直无法忘记的事情。 即便在做自己很喜欢的事，心情却一直不能愉悦起来。甚至，心中的麻木竟是如此强烈，强烈得让我感觉自己真的不能再这么下去。 12月，快来吧。

I really, really stormy nights. I like the sound of rain tapping on my window. I like the peace I find in the sound of rain, making nothing else matter.

I am letting go. And that's not because I don't care. It's precisely because I care too much. Most parts of me still hope that one day, you will come to understand. Maybe when that time comes, it no longer matters. But I still hope you will understand that I have never tried to benefit anything out of this.

I don't know how to make sense actually. It's like I have lost connection with the three people who matter the most to me. And somehow, I can no longer find it back again. Every day, I can literally feel my heart being twisted. I try to dismiss that by doing my best to focus on work. It helps though. Maybe because I am still so passionate about my work that I could forget everything else when I'm at it. Today, a thought, merely a thought about work, made me very excited. I cannot wait to work on something that I have pictured in my head for the longest time. It's like living my dream. I thought it was one of the best days for me in the last broken month until something came up again and totally ruined it. I don't know how to make sense actually. Am I meant for all these?