tacenda

There are many tears which I have no idea will ever be mended. But I am coping. Trying, trying and trying.

I watched two plays this week. The first was 偶然, about the life story of Xu Zhimo, whose poems are so well-known. The story presented at the play was too beautiful (even without factoring in my biasness towards Joe Ma). I love it a lot, and how the performers are so professional. After the play, I thought I must find some time soon to translate his poems! The second one was Tuesdays with Morrie, a Chinese adaptation of the book. While the play did not fully portray some very nice scenes in the book, it got me all welled up in tears at the end of it. I guess death has never been a lesson I could ever grasp. My heart is slightly more at ease as I reminsce.

Sometimes I think my memory is failing me. That day I had tea with a friend. We spoke of another friend who had left us a few years back. I could not even remember her name... Seriously, I could not believe it. Then there were the few occasions where I saw familiar faces on the streets. Clearly, I knew them or met them somewhere. Somehow, however, their names just did not come to mind. The most recent case had to be a few days back when I bumped into a diploma classmate at one of the agencies I brought my clients to. She looked at me and said, "You look familiar." So did she. I tried my luck by asking if we were classmates at the diploma class. Bingo. I mean, I actually do not have that many friends now. I do not actually know if I am just selectively remembering and forgetting things. I am just tired of keeping up with people, and I appreciate peace too much these days. Work is just as busy, that I even work over weekends to get things done... And I simply dread it. Freedom ...

I guess I saw this coming and had rehearsed how I would do it. Still, it hurt. I literally gave up that opportunity that I spent years pursuing. What was I to say? So I went to run. I needed some release of sadness. Maybe I just don't have luck with people or things I like. I just keep losing them.

I woke up, to my surprise, at 10.18 a.m. this morning. Been a long time since I slept past eight a.m. More than four months or so, I figure. I truly appreciated that, despite having woken up a few times before. It has been a very mentally draining week at work, particularly for the soul. Dramas never stop following me, no matter how I try to avoid them. Once again, I am thankful for genuine people and lucky stars. I dare not say I am the luckiest, but lucky enough to have some kind souls who warn me of danger before things get way too out of hand for me to handle. And so, I managed to evade doom yet again. Not sure what lies ahead, but I am trying. May I continue to count my blessings. I thought I should not plan anything for the day, because I have not rested in such a long time I really just wanted to sleep or read all day long. As soon as I got my hands on my S7 Edge, WhatsApp showed me a message from a friend I had not seen in a while. He had asked me to meet for a catch up. Dilemm...