tacenda

今天下雨了。我好像没能好好欣赏这场雨，它就停了。 又或者，因为我的心是阴天，所以一整天没心情去观察周围的人事物。 昨天是晴天。 但我的心好像更多时候是阴天。 昨天，我和儿时的梦想靠得非常近。但在那个瞬间之后，我却觉得我们之间的距离从未那么遥远过。 但我的脑子里，又一直偷偷抱有一线希望。 这样算反复吗? 我的心情确实就是如此。

My boss picked me to attend the 2-day 7 Habits of Highly Effective People course. In all honesty, I was quite reluctant to be there initially. At the back of my head, there was a voice that repeatedly nagged, "Go and learn new things and make new friends." I struggled the day before, went anyway because I had to. The 2 full-day course was a very thought-provoking one. I learnt a lot more about myself and strategies to overcome certain issues that have persisted for months or years. Of course, whether or not I adopt these strategies is a totally different story altogether. I think I was unusually introverted than I usually am during the course. That was kind of another struggle. But I made a friend, Sandy. She has a pleasant disposition and I appreciate that. At the end of the course, the trainer Michael Lee went around giving the participants their certificates and shaking their hands. When it was my turn, he thanked me for being very attentive in class. I was not sure if I h...

Some time this week, I was having the usual anxiety issue about what is coming my way. PP was telling me to be myself and I would perform. I was trying to make sense of what it meant to "be myself" because it seemed so broad a term. Today it struck me.  That has always been something I like and am pretty good at. I just need to be myself and express my interest in the way I always do. What's wrong with that?  Perhaps I was too shrouded in my so-called hopes. I was so worried about them being dashed, that I don't even see myself. What's mine will be mine, PP would say. I guess?

Surprises come in many forms, it seems.  I wouldn't say I received plenty today, but enough to make me feel overwhelmed. I almost needed time to recover from my state(s) of... surprise. First, I got a call, and then an email. Subsequently, I had a conversation with my colleagues and got yet another surprise, albeit a very insignificant one. Well, I have always been an easily satisfied person? I think? All these surprises were enough to make me a happy person in the day.  My dreams... I still believe in them. At the back of my mind, maybe, I still pursue them, even though I don't know if I actually do in the very literal sense. That fire of passion never really died, even if it did diminish a little. And regardless of how people tell me I cannot make a living from my passion, I have not stopped trying.  Perhaps some things really do come with age, such as the realisation of what one really wants in life. Then again, such discovery does change over time, along with the chan...

I think I still hold the perception that happy moments do not last very long. Nonetheless, I indulge in such moments these days, as much as I can. I would not say life has been a bed of roses for me, for I believe we should never be too contented with things, but life has been good to me and I am most certainly thankful for that.  Weekends have been pretty free and that rendered me some nice free time to hang out with my friends or simply have some me-time.  Last weekend, I actually spent the whole of Saturday reading my book at home. It was a luxurious Saturday for me, one that I missed for a long time. Sunday morning was spent at Bukit Timah Hill. I do not even remember the last time I climbed that hill, it used to be a Sunday thing with my bestie but we kind of stopped after we both signed up for our gym membership.  And then of course, it was tea-time with my godson's mother and the cheeky boy himself. He has started walking, even though he kept falling down on his kn...