tacenda

过去两、三周，过得并不是特别好。 很多负面的情绪涌上来，偶尔觉得好窒息。 以前总会用文字来抒发这些情绪，近来却觉得连文字都离自己好遥远。 似乎自己已经没有力量再操控文字，从而得到一点慰籍。 当然，心情不好从来就不是工作的问题。 问题的根本永远都是人。 而我也一度以为自己已经到达一个看破红尘的境界，可以不必为凡尘俗世感到懊恼。 原来我终究是俗人一个。 人与人之间的相处真的是门学问。 我自问自己还是个初学者。 经历了那么多起起落落，我一直以为只要待人友善慷慨，必定会有很好的回报。 但其实不管做什么，总有一些人觉得你处心积虑，不怀好意。 你做的一些事情明明出于一片好意，却得遭到别人的讽刺和误解。 好累啊。 有时候真的不知道自己错在哪里。 告诉自己，不管这些，把精力放在工作就好。 但工作毕竟不是一个人的事，免不了要与其他人互动。 近来迷惘的感觉越来越强烈，还蛮想离开这里，到一个很遥远的地方去。 却喜欢瞻前顾后，担心自己没钱，没时间。 也许我真应该一鼓作气，不想这么多。

More often than not, life is a mess these days. A little too much for me to handle. And so, most of the time I actually really wish there is someone who could listen to me and teach me what to do.

Last night I had this beautiful dream of taking a picture with Yunni and baby John who was wrapped in a blue cloth. When I woke up and looked at my messages, there was Chris' message informing that baby would be out today. Much as I had wanted to snuggle in bed at home because the rainy weather was too good for any outdoor activity, I decided maybe I could pop by, together with Yoke of course. On our way, we saw too many baby-related merchandise and I was so tempted to get all of them. Finally I set my mind on a set of very cute blue pillow and bolster.  I did not manage to see baby John in the end (because I was in a rush to leave for a book launch) but I think it was really cool to hear Chris share his experience in the labour room earlier.  On our way back, I was telling Yoke how some many years ago, Chris and I were sitting in the school canteen and he was telling me how difficult his Physics paper was. And then some years back, we were sitting in an eating place at West M...