tacenda

A lot went through my head today. I think I actually don't have to be this unhappy, if I dare to do something about my current situation.

这几天晚上又开始打开收音机听广播。 不为什么, 可能就是需要一些歌曲陪伴。 现在播着我很喜欢的《悬崖》。 那种听到收音机播着你熟悉的歌曲的感觉很好, 像是一个不期的邂逅。 昨天还是鼓起勇气到医院去探望病了的朋友。 这家医院给的感觉有一点点不同。不是长长又阴暗的走廊, 也不是忧愁的面孔。 因此我并没很不舒服。 常常还是会想起那段日子。还是会因为想起而很不开心。 因为心里的委屈一直都无法好好抒发。 但我知道, 都已经不重要了。

曦今天结婚了。 那天坐在星巴克聊天仿佛是昨天的事, 两年后我竟然成了她御用的结婚摄影师。 他们说, 新娘子总是最美的。 我超赞同。 那女人爱说自己胖得像粽子。但我觉得今天她就是焦点。她最美。 她看老公的眼神, 我知道她真的已经把接下来的人生托付给他, 也真心替她开心。 她总喜欢念我, 叫我不要嫌了, 赶快做别人的贤妻。 其实我不是没有想过。 只是总是觉得还是有什么地方不对, 不够好, 不完美。 甚至觉得自己潜意识里有很多家庭不美满的记忆影响着我的人生观。 我也常常有很多幻想和期许。 不舒服的时候有个人陪我吃粥。闲着没事的时候陪我到处走走。不开心的时候听我诉苦。害怕的时候跟我说: "没事我在。" 而且, 是真的在。 好像很简单。却又好像没那么简单。 是我。是我想太多。

当年也是这样的结果。 但是结局很不好, 大家各分东西, 再也没联络。 你看, 都三年了。 时间过好快。 如今, 我不敢奢望什么。 就算结局很坏, 我也只怪自己。 因为也只有这样, 心才能够承受同样的痛。 也不至于再像那次一样想要歇斯底里地呐喊, 最后却只是熬出病来。 没有人比你更懂我。 所以每当事情不对劲我真的可以感觉一块大石头压在我心上。 所以我会学习慢慢改掉习惯。 我要更坚强地活着。

It's another good weekend :) Kind of forced myself to lie in bed until late morning before going for brunch with the sister. We had my favourite laksa chee cheong fun which I had missed. It was still so yummy :) Had a simple (but not so nice and value for money) dinner with M and SYX before we headed for Hebe's concert. I think I probably only knew half the songs she sang but I must say her live performance was really applaudable and the effort put into the concert by the crew was so good. Thank you M for the tickets :) I finally made nasi lemak after having promised the housemate some time ago. This time I prepared a lot more side dishes and the food cleared within two hours. The sense of accomplishment was great. At night I attempted to make egg roll but it failed.  I had a problem rolling the omelette without breaking it. BUT! My random ma po tofu was pretty much a success. Housemate and I were almost fighting over the last bit of it :) Couldn't have asked for more for a...

Good and bad things happened at work. Bad was not so bad, just not so good. Good thing was, a colleague came to talk to me today. I kind of appreciated that because she rendered an understanding listening ear which I thought I really needed. It actually really isn't easy to talk to friends about work because they probably will not understand anything going on in the office. That's when you need a colleague who asks, listens, and tries to understand. I am lucky after all. These days I decide I should not always stay late. I have been knocking off quite on time, yet I still feel constantly lethargic. Nevertheless, I went shopping today but did not get anything eventually. On my way to the bus stop today, I saw D. But he did not see me. I took almost ten seconds to decide whether to call his name. I did eventually. And we waved goodbye. It was like bumping into each other at year 1 all over again. Unfamiliarity. But I like that things are not awkward and at peace. I met S and WX f...