tacenda

I think this Christmas is the one and only that I spent so much money on gifts and whatnots. Many beauty and body care products for friends. An airmail to a little girl who lost her parents in a fire in New York. An air ticket for a friend who badly wants to pursue true love. A donation to provide food for children in poor countries. I am not a magnanimous person in any sense. I don't go around helping people nor do I ever do any volunteer work. I just really want to render some form of help to people I know or don't in my comfort and within my capabilities. In all honesty, December has not been the best month but the best thing about it is that it marks the end of the year, which seems to have been a long one. I do feel apprehensive about the new year because of new challenges but I know I cannot run away. I can only hope that I will maintain this neutral and somewhat composed state of mind which helped me pull through some troughs in the year.

今天某上司召我到办公室，告诉我高层对我今年的表现非常满意，没什么好挑的。如果有什要挑剔的，就是希望我可以学会跟各种各样的人合作。上司似乎话中有话，大家心照不宣。我自然也不笨，更无意隐瞒。我并不是不明白上司也是一片好心，所以才苦口婆心地相劝。但对于我不喜欢的人，我实在没办法伪装。而且正因为不想有正面冲突，所以才想避免合作。上司要我改掉这一点，才可以让自己真正做到最好。我却觉得自己不过就是凡人一个，实在很难做到那种境界。 其实真的超累的。干嘛要这样。

究竟需要多少时间和勇气, 才能办到这件事? 为什么我总是付出80分, 却只得1分? 而之后我还是付出80分? 我好久没有那么厌倦了。